Damn you, Pizza Hut. Are you delicious or just deliciously evil?

Posted on January 8th, 2007

I believe it was Edward R. Murrow who said we have an obligation to criticize the institutions we love. Or maybe it was the Dixie Chicks. There's also a better than average chance I just made it up.

The point is, I love Pizza Hut. You only need sink your fist into the deep dish of my love handles – my Stuffed Crust, if you will – to know I speak the truth. Be prepared to lose your rings, though.

It is precisely because I love Pizza Hut that I must inform you that, while the third panel is a complete fabrication, the first two were taken directly from my conversation with their call centre rep. To be fair, I never actually had to pay the dollar surcharge because, true to the rep's word, the gift card utterly failed to swipe when the delivery guy arrived and I was forced to scrounge up $21 in loose change (Note to international readers: this is easier than it sounds, since Canadian currency is almost exclusively coin-based; more than one Canuck has gone through the ice to a watery grave with a pocket full of toonies).

After raging impotently for a few days, I called to complain. Okay, it was actually to order another pizza, but the subject came up. The very nice woman on the phone assured me I could still use my card for take-out and dine-in orders, which falls considerably short of the "anytime, anywhere" promise their ads make. Also, I only use delivery so the other options are useless to me.

To make a long story short, I am Currently in possession of an expensive plastic rectangle representing $50 worth of theoretical pizza, which has proven to be considerably less tasty than actual pizza. To add insult to injury, "after 12 consecutive months of non-use, $1 will be deducted monthly from the remaining card balance until depleted".

Damn you, Pizza Hut. Damn you for being so delicious I can't even save my dignity with a boycott. I only hope others will be strong enough to resist you.

- Graham



Jamie and I would like to extend a HUGE thank-you to everyone who bought something from our store and to everyone else who wrote in asking when such-and-such would become available. We were too busy to upgrade the store last week, but I promise we'll get to it very soon.


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